why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
