I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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