kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
