I hate all girls vehemently.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
