when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
