my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We're too hungover to prance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
