I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel great
I just peed on a car
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
