I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
