I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
