i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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