There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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