Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
