i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
