Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
