John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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