She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
