Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
