I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
