How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize