she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
