He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
