I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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