Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
