my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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