I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize