the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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