We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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