Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
