Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
