well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize