So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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