I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
time to smoke my breakfast
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
