we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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