So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
