return my video game
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
