Where is the hickey?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
