I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize