dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's paper in my vomit.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
