I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
