i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
