There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone shattered a urinal.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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