Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would ride that face into the sunset
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
