I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
