I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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