Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
