I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
