fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
