I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
