he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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