we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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