Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
