i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
