The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
