Define "chronic" masturbator.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
