I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
