I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
