So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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