***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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