It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
