this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
