i just google imaged poop.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
