people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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