Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize