So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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