I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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