There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
