I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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