Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
