The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
