I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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