you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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