i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
