Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
