All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
