God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is wine microwaveable?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize