Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
