i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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