Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
