I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
