Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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